Girly Gossip
by Lottielue1
Summary: Queen Gwen and two servant girls sit and have a girly gossip over the men they love and the problems they face with discussions of... out of tune singing from Sir Gwaine, falling asleep with Sir Leon, and a huge disappointment from Arthur. M rated for saftey for certain words.


Girly Gossip

"I don't know how you do it," Gwen chuckled, it had been exactly three years since the fight at Camlann, many lives were lost and Arthur whose life was dangerously close to ending was saved by Merlin.

Charlotte laughed, "Sometime I don't know how I do it either." A year after the battle Charlotte Archer had been requested to take up the role of being the Queen's personal Maidservant, the bond between the Queen and Charlotte strengthened as the two years passed, quickly becoming close friends. Charlotte had created a strong bond with Merlin with them both serving for the King and Queen they quickly became very good friends, she was able to help Merlin when she had finished her chores given to her, the list from Arthur always seemed to be longer than Gwen's but they quickly managed to complete the chores on time.

The Knights of the Round Table took Charlotte in quickly, the first to welcome her was Sir Leon, and she discovered a week into her stay that Sir Leon was secretly courting, Aleiyha his serving girl, she has found this out when she turned the corner to find them lip locked, she confronted Aleiyha about this, blushing she admitted that they had been courting secretly for 3 months the two girls quickly became friends, she also gained some entertainment in her life for a few months, as ever time she walked past Sir Leon she'd raise her eyebrows with a knowing look on her face with a sly grin, at first the Knight's for she liked Leon but the idea was quickly forgotten about a few weeks later, when she looked at Merlin in the same way after discovering his relationship with another servant girl.

She and Elyan had met 6 years previously; she had help heal a wound on his shoulder that he had received after being attacked with a sword on his way in to her town. Because Charlotte had grown up with 5 siblings she had learnt how to heal a cut very quickly so helped clean and bandage the cut on his arm firstly stopping the blood, he had tried to make a move on her but she just laughed and smiled telling him he was awfully sweet but she wasn't interested Elyan had stayed for 6 weeks before going on his travels again, the two friends look back on that now and laugh sometimes they'd talk about something and the other just looked at them confused.

From the first time her eyes saw the tall muscular figure of Sir Percival she knew that Camelot was the place for her and she had completely agreed with herself when Sir Gwaine had introduced himself with a cheeky smile. Gwen has warned her about Gwaine's notorious womanizing ways and habit to always being drunk but she had laughed and got to know the flirtiest knight discovering him to be a very intellectual man who was powerful behind a sword and could enjoy a good chat with a goblet of mead. She had learnt that one's first appearance wasn't always correct, to look at him you would assume that Percival was all brawn no brain and that he would be aggressive and a ladies man but she was surprised when she realised that Percival was very clever the talks they shared always challenged and interested her, he was anything but aggressive she was not surprised when she learned he had the nickname the gentle giant, but what had shocked her the most to how shy he could be around women, when she spoke with both Gwaine and Percival if Gwaine turned it flirtatious Percival would sit quietly. It reached a stage where the three became inseparable. It had become obvious to everyone that there was more than friendship between the three friends but it took one of them to make the move, in the middle of November on a cold night Gwaine very drunk made the move and took hold of Charlotte's face and kissed her before moving on to Percival, it was a worrying moment waiting for their friends reactions but they were relieved when Merlin called out finally, the unorthodox relationship was set and even though some didn't understand how a relationship with two men and a women could work they somehow made it.

"You deserve a knighthood Charlotte, Gwaine and Percival together is a lot of man to keep happy," said Aleiyha.

"Percival on his own is a lot of man to keep happy and then there is Gwaine to add to it. It's like having three normal sized men," she chuckled.

"There's one thing that I'd like to know because I just cannot fathom is out," Charlotte raised her brows to Gwen's statement. "It's personal but how do you, you know do it?"

"You mean have sex?" Gwen nodded. "Well its simple really we do it the same way as you we just add an extra hole to it really," Charlotte told them simply not embarrassed.

"What do you mean adding another whole," gasped Aleiyha?

Charlotte now blushed she didn't expect the two of them not to understand what she meant it was alright telling them how the basics worked but actually having to tell them in more detail was embarrassing. "Well … erm it's like this … I have one of them in my … erm … Vagina and then the other is erm … in my bum … sometimes I have one of them in my Vagina and the other one is in … erm… their bum. Do you understand?" Gwen and Aleiyha looked at each other still slightly confused.

"I understand them both in you now but not the other bit," admitted Gwen, Charlotte's faced was now bright red and she took a gulp of her mead.

"Okay so if I have Gwaine in my Vagina then Percival will go in Gwaine's bum or the other away round," she mumbled embarrassed, she looked at her two friend's, their brows were raised into their hair line and mouths slightly agape.

"Right then on to the next topic of conversation I think," said Gwen, Charlotte silently thanking her smiled.

"I don't know about you two but I'm not sure how comfortable I feel with Leon celebrating in the tavern tonight," admitted Aleiyha. The Knights, Merlin and Arthur had decided they would celebrate 3 years of peace at the Tavern, the girls had been invited but had politely declined the offer to attend instead they decided on a girly gossip in the warmth of the castle.

"He'll be perfectly fine Aleiyha the most that will happen will be a bar fight, some loud and very out of tune singing and a headache with the side feeling of nausea in the morning." Gwen explained smiling, as she spoke she had heard Charlotte groan with the words "loud and very out of tune singing" she had been informed by Arthur that a drunk Gwaine was now a loud musical Gwaine. "Charlotte where did Gwaine learn these songs he likes to sing when drunk?" she asked.

"As you know I worked in a Tavern when I was at home, the tavern was quite musical with the bar maids singing songs and dancing, when I informed Gwaine and Percival of this they were intrigued to what I would sing, so I sang all of the songs that I had sung and you could say they've picked them up." She muttered scowling it had caused her a few very embarrassing moments when she went to the tavern to help him home.

Gwen and Aleiyha laughed at their friend's annoyance. "Are you going to collect Gwaine and Percival tonight Charlotte?" Aleiyha asked and Charlotte nodded. "Okay I'll come with you and make sure Leon gets to bed safely,"

"If I did that for Arthur he'd moan about being manly enough to make it back to the castle all by his self."

"Well I don't know about you two but when Leon has ale in his system the man becomes very horny, I think once I get him into bed he'll be expecting me to join him," laughed Aleiyha.

"Oh I know exactly what you mean, Arthur is the same when you get him drunk and then into bed you know you won't be awakening early the next day," chuckled Gwen.

"Well luckily for me when Percival or Gwaine's head hit the pillow they are completely gone, so I just go back to my bed, they wake up and think I've already gone to work," Gwen and Aleiyha's eyes widened before they laughed.

"Let me guess one of them snores and one of them talks in their sleep?" giggled Aleiyha

"Almost Gwaine snores but Percival drools, but if you do get into bed with them when they are drunk you can't get out, their grips tightens whenever you move," she laughed, "it's like they're scared I'm gonna jump up and run off with the cook,"

"You never know maybe you will run off with the cook, she's nearly as big as Percival,"

Charlotte laughed, "maybe you're right Aleiyha I might just run off with the cook and get so very fat because she keeps feeding me and telling me your far too skinny,"

"Oh my god she says that to me too, I'm so tempted to turn around and say I'm a servant we don't have time to sit down and eat a three course meal. We've clothes to stich, metal to polish…"

"… Baths to fill, clothes to wash …"

"Fire's to light, meals to serve…"

"Drinks to pour and so much more,"

"You do know though if you marry Leon, Gwaine or Percival you'd be classified as a lady and would no longer have to do any of that," explained Gwen, "I'll be honest I do not miss the cleaning and early mornings."

"I know but it's not so simple for me, I can't marry both Gwaine and Percival but I couldn't bring myself to pick just one of them to marry."

"Hmm yes very true but things could change in the future I'm sure you'll be fine."

"What I want to know is, what songs does Gwaine sing when he's drunk?"

"Well the first time I went to collect him from the tavern he looked at me and started to sing, 'I love you baby and this quite alright I love you baby' over and over it was so embarrassing, the seconds time I took him the song had changed to something a little more embarrassing." Aleiyha and Gwen were laughing.

"Go on what did he sing this time?"

"I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it, sex in the air I don't care I like the smell of it sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me, he continued to sing that over and over till this little old lady walked down the road towards us and then he went, "Na na na na na c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, na na na na na c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it, sex in the air I don't care I like the smell of it sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me, well the lady was fuming and she picked up her stick and just started to hit him with it, the next morning he complained his side was hurting I looked under his shirt and he had bruises from where the stick had collided with his skin." Gwen and Aleiyha couldn't control their laughter as tears streamed down their cheeks. "The third time he went out I sent Percival to collect him, he came back 20 minutes later without Gwaine when I asked him where he was, Percival told me he had thrown him in the horses trough Gwaine decided to sing to Percival, I'm looking for some hot stuff baby this evening I need some hot stuff baby tonight. I couldn't just leave him in the trough so I went to get him and he saw me and started to sing again this time it was, I'll make love to you like you want me to and I'll hold you tight baby all through the night I'll make love to you. I was so embarrassed. The fourth time however was possibly the most embarrassing of them all, Percival went to the tavern and before he went I asked him to make sure Gwaine wouldn't sing so he said he would so that night when I went to get them I could have cried, walking up the road to the castle suddenly Percival started to sing, I need some love like I never needed love before, Wanna make love to ya baby, then Gwaine started to sing, I had a little love, now I'm back for more, Wanna make love to ya baby. If I'm honest I'm a little worried about tonight."

"I love how each song had something to do with sex I guess Gwaine really is a horny man when he's drunk," laughed Gwen.

"He is until he gets his head on to a pillow and then he's fast asleep."

"I've such a bad mental image of walking into that tavern and they'll all be stood on a table singing at the top of their lungs," groaned Aleiyha.

"At least you'll have a night full of passion ahead of you," said Charlotte, "I'll have two drunken men who'll just sing to me about sex and then fall asleep."

"I wish it was a night full of passion it's more of a quickie and then falls asleep, he's fallen asleep half way through having sex more than once!" exclaimed Aleiyha

"Arthur has never fallen asleep while we had sex, as sex has yet lasted long enough for him to fallen asleep in," Gwen admitted.

"You mean to tell me he hits the spot of passion very quickly?" Aleiyha asked?

"That's exactly what I mean, it starts to get good and then it's over and done with and I'm laid there like that's it!"

"Well I think i know how to help you with that one Gwen, at least with two men one of them will last long enough to get it finished. A tip my sister once said to me was if a man hit the spot of pleasure too quickly it's better to give him oral stimulation so he ejaculates first and then turn him on again and then have sex, he'll find it harder to hit the spot of pleasure as quickly if he does it that way I did of course tease my sister over this for quite some time because the man she was courting wasn't keeping up."

Gwen laughed trying to shake away the embarrassment, "thanks for the advice I'll give it a go; I take it him sober would help more?" Charlotte nodded.

"What about my problem then?" asked Aleiyha if Charlotte could help Gwen with her sexual frustration she could hopefully help her?

"Yours is simple, if you have sex after a full day and when he's drunk he'll be in the mood for so long before he falls asleep you're better off putting him off until the next morning tease him a little he'll not fall asleep if he's had sleep before hand and then you can get a round full of passion."

"That makes so much sense, but how do you know all of this?"

"My mother, she was never shy about this subject and would tell us it all, one day she told me if you ever get with a man who falls asleep having sex at night have it in the morning as they can't fall asleep then, I conceived all six of you this way. I didn't need to know the last part of it, I couldn't look at my mother or father for a week and if they didn't get up before I did then the images in my head were very disturbing."

"There is nothing more disturbing than knowing about your parents sex lives," said Aleiyha. "Anyway Gwen, when are you going to produce a baby prince or princess?"

"Well not for a while I want to have a good sex life for a few years and then we'll think about it. The first child will have to be a boy just so the Pendragon name will continue, but I'd love a little girl and I'm sure she'd probably have a stage in her life where she hated her father and all the knights because they'd be so overprotective over her."

"Yes I can see that too, I'd love a child but I have two grown up ones at the moment," chuckled Charlotte.

"If Leon did ask me to marry him, I'd like to be pregnant in the first or second year of marriage, I can actually see Leon being a really good father he has the maternal instincts already."

"Like Charlotte I also have a very big child in Arthur, the man is useless he struggles to get dressed in the morning if he doesn't have someone to help him!"

"I've been told about that from Merlin it's quite funny really, he can train men into soldiers, he can win a fight and a warm but yet he can't get dressed on his own," the three girls laughed if Arthur heard them laughing at him about this they'd all be spending some quality time in the stocks.

"Well my lady," teased Charlotte knowing Gwen wasn't so happy to be called My lady when around comfortable company, "I'm going to collect my singing men and I'll see what they're going to try and sing to me tonight,"

"You know what I'll join you I'd like to see this for myself," said Gwen standing up walking towards the doors, she informed the guards outside that she was going to collect the king from the tavern.

"Why do I have to the drunken one," chuckled Charlotte as she walked down the front stairs of the castle and headed towards the tavern with Gwen and Aleiyha beside her.

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**So what do you think? Please review would be very much appreciated **


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